Bowling With No Panties

Everybody's a critic. I am actually right.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Most Surreal Day Of My Life.

Once upon a time in the year 2001, I was living with a man who was a writer/on-air personality for a popular metropolitan radio station.

In preparation for interviewing the blaxploitation film, comedy, and kung-fu legend Rudy Ray Moore -- most widely known as the star of the film Dolomite -- said boyfriend brought home a Rudy Ray Moore BOX SET.

Let me say that after five - seven hours of the life's work of one Rudy Ray Moore I was going completely mental. I had lost all touch with modern reality and was dwelling in a world where women wore bikinis all the time, all disputes were solved with threats and then kung fu fighting, and everyone's hair had a two foot circumfrance.

In this box set were his most famous films, Dolomite, The Human Tornado, Disco Godfather, and Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's Son In Law not to mention a live DVD of his stand-up routine and, um, singing.

Yes!! Rudy Ray Moore has released such gems as

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The Rudy Ray Moore Christmas album

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I don't even need to comment here.
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Hully Gully Fever -- dig that ca-razy turban.

This day was surreal because the majority of the dialogue in Dolomite is Rudy Ray Moore speaking in rhymes to threaten whoever's ass he was about to kick.

Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's Son In Law is the one that sticks out in my mind the most. Petey makes a deal with the devil, for what, I don't remember, and his end of it is that he's got to marry the daughter of Satan. I know some asskicking ensued. I also know that there was a huge driveby shooting outside of a church at another wedding and dead bodies just piled up on the stairs. The best was the end, when Petey lifts the veil of his bride, we don't actually see her face, but PETEY'S FACE is one of utter horror and terror -- and that's where it ended.

I don't even remember what Disco Godfather was about because by then my head was spinning with all the jive talk, afro kung fu, scantily clad karate whores, and crazy disco pimp-wear.

The main thing I remember from Dolomite is the Hamburger Pimp. He's so bad he kicks his own ass twice a day. HE wasn't scared of Dolomite. He also served Hoe-cakes. Why? Cuz Hoes gotta eat too.

What started me on this whole mental trip down wacked-out memory lane? I stumbled onto THIS(and yes, this is how my mind works. I see the below and I immediately think "cuz hoes gotta eat too."):


  • 2 cups corn meal

  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups boiling water
  • oil for frying

Put the tea kettle on to boil. In a large bowl combine the corn meal and salt. When the water boils, measure it in a metal or tempered-glass measuring cup. Pour the boiling water over the cornmeal and stir it up. The cornmeal will swell up, absorbing the water, and making a very thick mash.

Heat some oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. You can use as little as two tablespoon of oil per panful, but it is a little easier to use 4 or 5 tablespoons of oil for each panful. Use your waistline and frying skill as the final judge. Now scoop up a little of the cornmeal mush (about 1/4-cup) and shape it into a patty. It will still be warm from the boiling water, so be careful not to burn yourself. You can let it cool down some more first if you like. Plop the patty into the hot fat, and get it to frying. Make some more, until you have a whole pan full. I usually cook about 4 or 5 at a time. When the underside is crispy brown, turn them and cook the other side. When both sides are crispy and brown, transfer them to a plate to keep warm, and start another batch. This recipe makes about 12 hoe cakes.

Originally, Native Americans cooked these on hot rocks in an open fire. They were commonly referred to as Ash Cakes. Later on, settlers from Europe adopted the recipe, cooking the cakes on the blades of their hoes in the fireplace. This is where they get the name, "Hoe Cakes". Of all the recipes in my collection, this one is the oldest, the cheapest, and just about the tastiest of all. Serve Hoe Cakes with as a bread, or by themselves for breakfast with maple syrup or molasses. They also make a nice accompaniment to main meals, especially when fried in margarine. In the summertime, when you want a hot bread, but don't want to heat up the oven, this is the best choice. They cook right on top of the stove, without heating up the entire house. Good for camping and back packing too.


  • At 7:09 AM, Blogger Maulleigh said…

    mmmmm...hoe cakes. Can we make these when I come visit?

  • At 4:01 PM, Blogger Slinky Redfoot said…

    great post!! Rudy Ray really did have a dark side. Interesting trivia - Petie Wheatstraw was a delta blues singer (pianist) claiming he was the devil's son in law. Since he only portrayed him, would that make Rudy just the 2nd cousin removed?
    Please keep unearthing these gems!!


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