Bowling With No Panties

Everybody's a critic. I am actually right.

Friday, June 16, 2006

How about a little SCHADENFREUDE FRIDAY!?!?

Welcome to another edition of Schadenfreude Friday - the day where EVERYBODY LOSES and nobody's happier about it than we are!!!!

Once again, I will step out of the realm of music to use my IMAGINATION to think of sick evil ironic things about pop culture's media DAHHHHHHHHHLINGS!


Brandon Davis (he of the rich family, greasy lips, oily hair, filthy mouth, and shitty friends) went into rehab, got sober, found GOD, stayed out of the media and then after seeing a video of some other rich dude that replaced him in the Paris Hilton posse making fun of HIM and calling him "TEETOTALER" and "SOBER PANTS" and "BORING BLOWHARD" he goes on a bender drinking MD141 until his liver explodes??

We found out Penelope Cruz dumped Matthew McConughey because he's a burnt out naked bongo playing BORE who hasn't been in a decent movie in at least four years...oh wait, that's not ironic at all.

Stavros Greekheirwhatshisnameidopoupopoulis ditched both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan for CLAY AIKEN?!?!?!?!?!

Madonna finds out that Kabballah is just some ruse created by an entire clan of con artist Jewish gypsies to get filthy rich celebrities to drink their $10 tap water in a bottle and wear a piece of red embroidery floss around their wrists? And that once a week they sit around a conference room table stroking their long long beards and brainstorming new ridiculous things they can make Madonna do and giggling like schoolgirls about the best ideas? Like wear all white? Or change your name to something old fashioned? I bet she'd rethink dumping a real quality friend like Britney Spears THEN!!! WOULDN'T YOU, MADONNA LOUISE!?!?! (P.S. I don't know why but your high cut body suits with the long sleeves really creep me out.)

Alec Baldwin started inexplicably choking and coughing? And his face turned all red from effort? And his eyes got bugged out and started to cross and he doubled over? And suddenly, like some enormous swampy hideous hairball, he coughed something the size of the Chrysler Building out?? THAT WOULD BE HIS EGO.

Nicole Richie records an album and it's actually AWESOME??

Keith Urban finds out that behind Nicole Kidman's forehead is a little dashboard and two bucket seats containing TWO ESCAPED LABRATORY MICE bent on TAKING OVER THE WORLD!?!?!?????


  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger Maulleigh said…

    How about:

    Zahara is actually screwey in the head because she was undernourished in during pregnancy so actually hurts or kills Shiloh.

    I just want the whole "africa is so fucking great" to come back and bite them on the ass somehow. That's all I want!!


  • At 7:48 AM, Blogger concha said…

    why you rootin' for nicole riche, man? that ain't right.


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