Bowling With No Panties

Everybody's a critic. I am actually right.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Songs I Am Utterly Unashamed To Love (Despite What Anyone Else Thinks)

Again, this is a random sampling as it is impossible for me to put many things in order of preference much to the chagrin of people who demand rankings. I can do that with few things: my relatives, Rolling Stones albums, most hated football teams, but I cannot do that with general lists of songs not broken down by era, genre, artist, etc.

So here goes, today's random listing of songs that I am utterly unashamed to love. I openly will blast these songs and sing them at the top of my lungs wherever there happens to be a stereo.

1. Ain't No Mountain High Enough -- Diana Ross. I love the original version of this song of course, but THIS version is the one that I want to belt out. Diana is so hellish she's fabulous. She slaps mofos. She has crazy ass wigs. She hires Jamaicans to clean her house. Did anybody ever "Woah-hoah-oh...Oooo hooo!" as great as she did? I think not. I mean, one of my other favorite songs from her is Love Hangover and that is pretty much her whoa-hoahing throughout the whole song.

2. Superstar - the Carpenters. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby?" Karen Carpenter has one of the all time greatest female voices in music ever. Her voice is so smooth and soothing and she and her brother wrote some pretty amazing songs. This one is the one on my mind this morning but pretty much any of them (except Sing, which annoys me) can fit on this list.

3. Bat Out Of Hell -- Meatloaf. This whole album is a classic, every song on this album is great. Jim Steinman wrote some great songs including two others for other artists that are in my total guilty pleasure list. This one is the title track and one of the most fun to sing along to. I like this song because it is a dramatic epic of a song and Meatloaf's voice is also dramatic. I mean, Jim Steinman found him performing in Hair on Broadway and he sang the shit out of this album. "And I'm DYING AT THE BOTTOM OF A HILL IN THE BLAZING SUN!! TORN AND TWISTED AT THE FOOT OF A BURNING BIKE! and I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell...and the last thing I see is my heart, still beating, breaking out of my body and flying away like a bat out of hell." Great stuff.

4. Look of Love -- ABC. I love everything about this song. It's total "80's"-ness. Even the crazy bit at the end.

5. Lady -- Styx. This song is from the pre-Tommy Shaw era of Styx and before Come Sail Away. One of the characters in "Freaks and Geeks" sang this song to his lady as a serenade as she stared at him, incredulous (she soon dumped him). Recently I saw an old Simpsons episode (the Odyssey) where Homer is on a raft in the River Styx, this song is playing while he's floating and he wails, "This really IS hell!" -- I laughed pretty hard because I know most people think it's "cool" to rag on Styx or Journey, but I can't lie, I have ALWAYS dug this song from the first time I heard it in the 7th grade. I will also state here for the record that the very first album I bought with my own money was Paradise Theater. Adam Sandler knows where I'm coming from.

6. The Humpty Dance -- Digital Underground All right, stop what you're doin', cuz I'm about to ruin' the image and the style that you're used to. My hip hop purist ex was horrified that this was one of the only hip hop albums that I owned. This song was the THEME of the summer of 1990 which TO DATE was the greatest summer of my life. I don't get to hear it much anymore unless I go digging deep in my CD collection to find it. Yesterday I saw someone drop a quick lyric from this song on their blog and instantly I finished the verse.

7. I Want It That Way -- Backstreet Boys When this song first came out I was horrified at how infectiously catchy it was. It flies in the face of my criteria -- these guys can't play an instrument, they didn't write one damn song, they weren't even a "boy band" because they were MEN and they were no kind of a band. They were actually a MAN GROUP. However this song is friggin' great. The Force MD's wrote it, remember them? They wrote Tender Love, the prom theme of most junior proms of 1986? Anyway, what cemented my eternal love for this song was that crazy video of the two Chinese boys lipsynching to this song with much earnestness. Yeah, I love this song.

8. Shout At The Devil -- Motley Crue Doesn't it seem so harmless now? I had to smuggle this album past my very Christian mother because of it's black on black huge pentagram on the front. She had already banned Ozzy Osbourne for the bat incident and Dan Fogelberg (because he was openly atheist). Every now and then I'll hear this song and I still know all the words.

9. Do They Know It's Christmas -- Band-Aid I can't think of a cheesier snapshot of the Do-Gooder "We Are The World - Let's Help Everybody Cuz We Are Rich As Hell!" Musicians of the 80's than this Christmas song. Before seeing the video 20+ years ago I had to guess who was who. I mean, the dude from Kajagoogoo has a line in the song! And how awesome is Boy George, "And in our WORLD of PLENTY we could SHARE A SMILE of joy...throw your ARMS around the WORLD at CHRISTMASTIIIIME!" I'm mocked mericlessly by my bandmate for loving this song so, but it is HE that lacks vision.

10. What Kind Of Fool -- Barbra Striesand and Barry Gibb This song has become an inside joke with a friend of mine...we sing "What Kind of TOOL". I genuinely love this song though. I love the BeeGees -- I love their 60's stuff pre-Saturday Night Fever. I shamelessly love their disco, it's great for what it was. Barry's voice is so distinctive, you always know it's him and nobody sings like that anymore. This is from their album of duets, "Guilty" where they both wore white and she had a big ol' fro and he was wearing a shirt open to his solar plexus. I had to download this song and burn it on a CD which I keep close at hand for whenever I have to hit the bridge with Babs and sing, "Was there a moment when I cut you down? Played around? What have I done? I only apologize for being as they say, the last to has to show when someone is in your eyes."

I don't even consider these songs "guilty pleasures" because I feel no guilt at ALL about loving them. There's plenty more but these are the ones I had on the top of my head today.

You know you have some, too...what are they? They can't be "guilty pleasures" -- you have to feel no shame despite overwhelming public opinion. That's the guideline.


  • At 10:15 AM, Blogger Maulleigh said…

    I don't think I'm ashamed to like any song. In the early 90s when I worked at KUSF, every other DJ was a total music snob who loved to tell everyone else how much their taste in music sucked. FUCK THEM!! FUCK THEM!!! I just think there's a REASON it's on radio, kinda: like, there must be SOMETHING to it for it to be so popular. NO SHAME!! No shame!!

  • At 6:08 AM, Blogger bowling with no panties said…

    I'm ashamed to say I like the song "I'm The One" by Mr. Big.

    Because I know better.

  • At 9:35 AM, Blogger Daily Hater said…

    I'm ashamed to like the song Toxic by Brittany Spears, but you know what, its catchy.

  • At 8:49 AM, Blogger David said…

    The best version of "Superstar" comes from Joe Cocker's "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" amalgam, as sung by the lovely Rita Coolidge.

    I think you'd like that one.


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